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Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Obesity: Myth Vs. Fact

With as many as one in three people in the U.S. qualifying as obese, misconceptions are often formed about what it means to be significantly overweight. The Onion separates obesity myths from facts
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Postal Rate Increase Denied

Postal regulators have rejected a proposal to increase stamp prices faster than the rate of inflation, blaming a flawed business model for the Post Office’s financial troubles. What do you think?

  • "They do have a terrible business model. They should go into landscaping instead."

    Lucy Armstead Prison Guard
  • "Raising the price of stamps? Not again! Lousy government! Wait, postal regulators stopped the price increase? Damn bureaucrats! Lousy government!"

    Alex Wash Systems Analyst
  • "I don't know where I could have found that extra 6 cents a year I might have spent mailing letters. Oh, here's some change on the ground. A QUARTER! WOW!"

    Kevin Rhodes Unemployed

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