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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.
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Postal Rates Increase

The price of a stamp went up to 41 cents yesterday. What do you think?
  • "Damn it, what did they do with the 68 cents I gave them for postage last year?"

    David Bachman Carpenter
  • "I'll just have to be that much more selective this year about who receives my annual Christmas newsletter."

    Carla Weisser DVD Rental Clerk
  • "Between the postage increase and the high price of whale oil, it's getting harder and harder to live in the year 1893."

    Alec Pufall Congressional Page

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