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Meteorologists Say Upcoming Hurricane Season To Be Permanent

SILVER SPRING, MD—Warning residents to prepare for extreme winds, heavy rainfall, and flooding starting in the near future and continuing indefinitely, meteorologists at the National Weather Service announced Friday that the upcoming hurricane season would be permanent.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Man’s Body Running Out Of Ideas To Convince Him He Full

    BAYTOWN, TX—Having repeatedly ratcheted up the 34-year-old’s level of discomfort with no noticeable effect on his behavior, the body of local man Kent Dugan confirmed Wednesday that it was starting to run out of ideas to convince him that he was full.

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Postal Rates Increase

The price of a stamp went up to 41 cents yesterday. What do you think?
  • "Damn it, what did they do with the 68 cents I gave them for postage last year?"

    David Bachman
    Carpenter
  • "I'll just have to be that much more selective this year about who receives my annual Christmas newsletter."

    Carla Weisser
    DVD Rental Clerk
  • "Between the postage increase and the high price of whale oil, it's getting harder and harder to live in the year 1893."

    Alec Pufall
    Congressional Page