adBlockCheck

Recent News

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
End Of Section
  • More News

Posthumously-Conceived Children Get No Benefits

The Supreme Court ruled that a set of twins conceived with frozen sperm through in vitro fertilization 18 months after the father's death are not eligible for Social Security survivor benefits. What do you think?

  • "In that case, I might as well defrost all that sperm I’ve been banking for my future widow and use it now."

    Jordan Geter Lightning-Rod Erector
  • "I thought it in poor taste that Justice Scalia pointed out that they're not eligible for fatherly love either.”

    Denise Stumpf Ocularist
  • “I agree with the decision. Finding the right woman to raise a family with is hard enough as it is. If you let dead guys into the mix, I don’t have a chance.”

    Scott Hare Unemployed

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close