Pot Smokers Well-Adjusted

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New York City Abuzz Over New Resident

NEW YORK—With word spreading rapidly through office towers, apartment buildings, and across all five boroughs, sources confirmed Friday that New Yorkers were abuzz over reports that a new resident had moved to the city.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 7, 2014

ARIES: Your belief that nothing can stop you will be tested this week by depression, procrastination, concrete barriers, dysentery, armed gunmen, and the unanimous passage of several laws targeted specifically at stopping you.

Ranking Women Somehow Not Issue In Miss USA Debacle

NEW YORK—As backlash against the Miss USA pageant continues to spread following controversial anti-immigration remarks made by the contest’s owner, Donald Trump, sources confirmed this week that the overt ranking of women is somehow not a part of the ongoing nationwide outrage.

Insurance Only Covers Generic Heart Transplant

GALLATIN, TN—Saying he will just have to trust that the new organ he receives is as good as the other options out there, local man Keith Palmero confirmed Tuesday that his insurance provider would only cover a generic heart for his upcoming transplant surgery.
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Pot Smokers Well-Adjusted

A recent Swiss survey reveals that that teenagers who smoke marijuana function better than those who also use tobacco. What do you think?
  • "I think it's because pot smoking teaches kids to slow down and take stock of what's really important in life: sandwiches."

    Terry Gerdes
    Lathe Operator
  • "What about those teenagers who aren't musicians, painters, and deadbeats? How well do they function?"

    Alice Muldowney
    Customs Official
  • "Is this some kind of trick to make kids think that pot isn't cool?"

    Ivan Chernikoff
    Metal Furniture Restorer
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