Pot Smokers Well-Adjusted

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Impressive New Hire Figures Out Bare Minimum Of Work Job Requires On First Day

MILWAUKEE—Marveling at his extraordinary ability to learn the ropes at the technology firm and quickly fit right in with the rest of his colleagues, sources at Starpoint Solutions confirmed Thursday that impressive new hire Eric Myers has already figured out the bare minimum of work his job requires on the very first day.

Child’s Loose Grasp On Balloon Only Thing Between Peace And Anarchy At Restaurant

JACKSONVILLE, FL—Eating their meals and conversing pleasantly without paying any heed to how loosely the string was wrapped around the young child’s finger, diners at a local Panera Bread reportedly went about their lunch Wednesday completely unaware that 2-year-old Nate Pollen’s tenuous grasp on a red helium balloon was the only thing standing between peace and total anarchy.

Biologists Still No Closer To Discovering How Birds Have Sex

BERKELEY, CA—With not a single scientist having successfully observed the behavior despite extensive ongoing research, the field of biology has made no progress in its understanding of how birds have sex, experts at the University of California told reporters Wednesday.
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Pot Smokers Well-Adjusted

A recent Swiss survey reveals that that teenagers who smoke marijuana function better than those who also use tobacco. What do you think?
  • "I think it's because pot smoking teaches kids to slow down and take stock of what's really important in life: sandwiches."

    Terry Gerdes
    Lathe Operator
  • "What about those teenagers who aren't musicians, painters, and deadbeats? How well do they function?"

    Alice Muldowney
    Customs Official
  • "Is this some kind of trick to make kids think that pot isn't cool?"

    Ivan Chernikoff
    Metal Furniture Restorer