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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Poverty Rate Hits 17-Year High

In 2010, the number of Americans living in poverty reached nearly one in six, the highest rate since 1993. What do you think?

  • "One in six? Oh my god, that means I probably know someone who's poor."

    Jessie Carter Park Naturalist
  • "Well, maybe if waitresses in this country could learn what a whistle and finger-snap mean, then maybe they’d have a little extra pocket money."

    Nick Mitchell Environmental Engineer
  • "But look at our standards of living. In 1993, not even a king would have been able to enjoy a vodka with Red Bull."

    Jon Rist Unemployed

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