Poverty Rate Jumps

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Department Of Labor Study Confirms Your Job Most Demanding

‘None Of Your Friends Understand How Hard It Is,’ Report Reads

WASHINGTON—Noting that the level of mental strain associated with the profession was far and away the highest recorded, a federal study on workplace conditions and occupational stress released Thursday has confirmed that your job is the most demanding career in the entire nation, and that none of your friends or family fully understand how hard it is.

Neighborhood Starting To Get Too Safe For Family To Afford

CHICAGO—Explaining that the sense of unease she felt walking to and from her home had declined markedly over the years, Humboldt Park resident Kirsten Healy expressed her disappointment to reporters Thursday that her neighborhood was becoming too safe for her family to afford.
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  • Man’s Body Running Out Of Ideas To Convince Him He Full

    BAYTOWN, TX—Having repeatedly ratcheted up the 34-year-old’s level of discomfort with no noticeable effect on his behavior, the body of local man Kent Dugan confirmed Wednesday that it was starting to run out of ideas to convince him that he was full.

Poverty Rate Jumps

The U.S. Census Bureau found that during 2009 the number of Americans living in poverty increased from 39.8 million to 43.6 million. What do you think?

  • "Yeah, that seems about right. Over the past year, I guess there have been a few hundred thousand more street people that I have to pretend not to notice on my walk to work."

    Rick McKenzie
    Account Executive
  • "I'm shocked. I thought poverty was something that happened to other countries that systematically obliterated their middle class, but not us."

    Annie Watson
    Nib Adjuster
  • "Quick, print another 4.8 million copies of Atlas Shrugged."

    Michael Stapleton
    Reactor Operator