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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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Pre-Millennium Tension

With less than a year to go before the dawn of a new millennium, doomsayers are predicting everything from a global computer collapse to Armageddon. What do you think about the growing Y2K anxiety?
  • "You mean, in less than a year, the damned will be carried off to the sulfurous pits of hell by hideous, moth-winged reptiles straight out of a Hieronymus Bosch triptych? Cool."

    Jennifer Voss Teacher
  • "Technically, since Christ was actually born in 4 B.C., the millennium has already begun, and it is now 2003. So any self-respecting Y2K freak would have immolated himself back in '96."

    Ted McGlothlin Systems Analyst
  • "All I know is, I'm gonna be so hung over on Jan. 1, 2000, I'm not even gonna give a shit if the rivers run red with blood."

    Fred Davalillo Custodian
  • "In the next millennium, there will no longer be prejudice against gays. There will be space-prejudice against space-gays."

    Joan Egan School Psychologist
  • "Pre-millennial tension, huh? Whenever my wife gets that, she bloats up like a big sow."

    Ronald Chance Sales Consultant
  • "In preparation for the coming Apocalypse, I went out and bought a waterbed, which should hold about 300 gallons of vanilla pudding."

    Eugene Amaro Rental Agent

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