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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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Pregnant And Infirm Given First H1N1 Vaccine

The Centers for Disease Control announced that vaccinations for the H1N1 virus would be given first to pregnant women and adults with compromised immune systems. What do you think?
  • "Yes! I love being an AIDS patient."

    Mike Collins Systems Analyst
  • "Great. Another pregnancy I have to fake.”

    Cheryl Cannucciari Jack-Strip Assembler
  • "As annoyed as I am that pregnant women will receive the vaccine before me, I'm willing to accept it as an adequate trade-off for being able to ride the Tilt-a-Whirl.”

    Vin Cocca Insurance Claims Adjustor

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