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Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Pregnant And Infirm Given First H1N1 Vaccine

The Centers for Disease Control announced that vaccinations for the H1N1 virus would be given first to pregnant women and adults with compromised immune systems. What do you think?
  • "Yes! I love being an AIDS patient."

    Mike Collins Systems Analyst
  • "Great. Another pregnancy I have to fake.”

    Cheryl Cannucciari Jack-Strip Assembler
  • "As annoyed as I am that pregnant women will receive the vaccine before me, I'm willing to accept it as an adequate trade-off for being able to ride the Tilt-a-Whirl.”

    Vin Cocca Insurance Claims Adjustor

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