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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Pregnant Women Advised Against Potatoes

A new study in the British Medical Journal found that women who eat more potatoes during pregnancy are at significantly greater risk for gestational diabetes than those who eat a diet richer in vegetables, beans, and whole grains. What do you think?

  • “Oh, make mine a plate of sour cream and chives, then.”

    Dolores Spurlin Notebook Perforator
  • “I’ll believe this when I hear it straight from the anonymous commenters on the MommyWhiz message boards.”

    Matthew Valle Lawn Edger
  • “This is a serious blow for pregnant vodka enthusiasts.”

    Ted Aronson Unemployed

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