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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.
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Premarital Counseling

In response to escalating divorce rates, some federal legislators are pushing for a law that would require all engaged couples to meet with a counselor before getting married. What do you think?
  • "My fiancée and I go through premarital counseling all the time. We call it, 'Scream At The No-Good Baby That Ruined Our Lives.'"

    Felicia Koonce Systems Analyst
  • "What are the counselors gonna say? 'Don't throw the best years of your life away on some broad that's bangin' your brother while you're busting your hump all day at Carpetland'? 'Cause that's what they should say."

    Tyler Grieg Chiropractor
  • "Screw premarital counseling. What my future wife needs is blow-job counseling. I mean, she's stroking too slow and scraping her teeth way too much."

    Ryan Sturbridge School Psychologist
  • "Everything I needed to know about marriage I learned from the Georgia Satellites."

    Nevin Vance Bartender
  • "I think premarital counseling is crucial. We had ours at Macy's, and without it we never would have picked out the Lenox Old English pattern china."

    Donna Moreland Sculptor
  • "If I had only gotten the proper pre-burger counseling last Tuesday, maybe I wouldn't have put on all that extra mayo."

    Tim Brundage Chemical Engineer

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