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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Prescription-Drug Prices

Prescription-drug prices are expected to be a major issue in the 2000 presidential campaign, with most drugs costing substantially more in the U.S. than overseas. What do you think about the high cost of medication in America?
  • "Actually, that's not entirely true: Kessler's Drugs is having a big sale on Tetracycline this week. There's a coupon in the Sunday Shopper."

    Lorraine Kiel Homemaker
  • "I blame women for the high prices. They're always needing some fancy pill for their box or for lumps in the rack or something."

    Keith Fowler Cab Driver
  • "As the CEO of a major pharmaceutical firm, I can assure you that those high prices are necessary to cover the extraordinary cost of membership dues and green fees."

    Walter Moore Pharmaceutical CEO
  • "I think what's getting lost in this whole debate is this: Taking drugs is wrong."

    Liz Putnam Librarian
  • “That reminds me: Do you have $217 I can borrow? I don’t have insurance, and I need something to stop all this ocular bleeding.”

    Rajeev Gopindar Cashier
  • "Maybe it's good that I can't afford anti- psychotic medication. It frees me up to plan the assassination of Deputy Dawg."

    Bob Sharperson Systems Analyst
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