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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.
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President Curbing NSA Spying

In an effort to address citizens’ privacy and civil liberty concerns, President Obama announced today that intelligence agencies would now be required to obtain a court’s permission to access metadata from telephones. What do you think?

  • “As long as the government has to ask permission from the government first, everything should be okay.”

    Stacey Simmons Bacteriologist
  • “Now phone conversations won’t feel as thrilling.”

    Bruce Greenwood Cushion Filler
  • “Finally, me and my terrorist buddies can get back to business.”

    Andre Dern Systems Analyst

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