President Ford Dead

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Vol 42 Issue 52

Cardinals Apologize For Winning World Series

ST. LOUIS—Calling Friday night's victory on baseball's grandest stage "a terrible mistake," members of the St. Louis Cardinals issued a formal apology for making the playoffs, winning the World Series, and depriving baseball fans everywhere...

Yankee Crashes Plane In NYC

A small plane piloted by New York Yankees pitcher Cory Lidle hit a Manhattan high-rise apartment building Wednesday. What do you think?
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Healthy Living

  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Late Night

President Ford Dead

President Gerald Ford, our nation's 38th President, died Tuesday at the age of 93 at his desert home in California. What do you think?
  • "Whomever it is we're talking about will live on — as long as we keep him in our memories."

    Leslie Drayton
    Housepainter
  • "Every time you wrote the man's obituary, he'd pull through another few years. Then you'd have to go and update it. Classic Ford."

    Andrew Woolfolk
    Systems Analyst
  • "When they're carrying him out in the coffin, in front of the press, I think it would be funny if they 'accidentally' drop him down the stairs."

    Sherry Scott
    Surveyor
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