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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
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President Ford Dead

President Gerald Ford, our nation's 38th President, died Tuesday at the age of 93 at his desert home in California. What do you think?
  • "Whomever it is we're talking about will live on — as long as we keep him in our memories."

    Leslie Drayton Housepainter
  • "Every time you wrote the man's obituary, he'd pull through another few years. Then you'd have to go and update it. Classic Ford."

    Andrew Woolfolk Systems Analyst
  • "When they're carrying him out in the coffin, in front of the press, I think it would be funny if they 'accidentally' drop him down the stairs."

    Sherry Scott Surveyor

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