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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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President's 100th Birthday To Be Recognized

President Barack Obama signed a bill that established a panel to commemorate Ronald Reagan's 100th birthday on June 6, 2011. What do you think?
  • "Quickly, we must assemble a great pageantry of nuclear and military might in honor of this departed leader!"

    Eddie Williams Bootblackener
  • "I am looking forward to a calm, decent celebration. Let us not have sex in the streets as we often do during parades."

    Diane Poole Sluggish Cleaning Person
  • "Celebrating our nation's past glories on President Reagan's birthday will provide a welcome reprieve from the crushing realities of our ongoing military, economic, and cultural decline.”

    Frank Frankson Hotel Clerk
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