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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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President's 100th Birthday To Be Recognized

President Barack Obama signed a bill that established a panel to commemorate Ronald Reagan's 100th birthday on June 6, 2011. What do you think?
  • "Quickly, we must assemble a great pageantry of nuclear and military might in honor of this departed leader!"

    Eddie Williams Bootblackener
  • "I am looking forward to a calm, decent celebration. Let us not have sex in the streets as we often do during parades."

    Diane Poole Sluggish Cleaning Person
  • "Celebrating our nation's past glories on President Reagan's birthday will provide a welcome reprieve from the crushing realities of our ongoing military, economic, and cultural decline.”

    Frank Frankson Hotel Clerk
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