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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Princess Di One Year Later

Last week marked the first anniversary of the Paris car crash that claimed the life of Princess Diana. How do you feel one year after her tragic death?
  • "Even now, I can still recall where I was the night I heard the news: down at Ed's Tavern, cracking jokes about it with the guys."

    Jeffrey McBride Drill-Press Operator
  • "If only there were some sort of item I could buy to commemorate the milestone."

    Kathryn Schmidt Florist
  • "I just hope all the worms and bacteria that are feeding off her decomposing corpse understand how truly special she was."

    Patricia Boone Social Worker
  • "On behalf of the landmine industry, I say good riddance."

    Rich McGraw Landmine Manufacturer
  • "Princess Di was that rarest of creatures–a royal I would do."

    Jonathan Bowa Systems Analyst
  • "Di's death is a collective memory that will never be erased from our shared consciousness, not unlike that song from the Slinky commercial."

    Evan Carlton Travel Agent
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