adBlockCheck

Recent News

Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
End Of Section
  • More News

Princess Di One Year Later

Last week marked the first anniversary of the Paris car crash that claimed the life of Princess Diana. How do you feel one year after her tragic death?
  • "Even now, I can still recall where I was the night I heard the news: down at Ed's Tavern, cracking jokes about it with the guys."

    Jeffrey McBride Drill-Press Operator
  • "If only there were some sort of item I could buy to commemorate the milestone."

    Kathryn Schmidt Florist
  • "I just hope all the worms and bacteria that are feeding off her decomposing corpse understand how truly special she was."

    Patricia Boone Social Worker
  • "On behalf of the landmine industry, I say good riddance."

    Rich McGraw Landmine Manufacturer
  • "Princess Di was that rarest of creatures–a royal I would do."

    Jonathan Bowa Systems Analyst
  • "Di's death is a collective memory that will never be erased from our shared consciousness, not unlike that song from the Slinky commercial."

    Evan Carlton Travel Agent

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close