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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Prison Libraries Pulling Books On Faith

Chapel-run prison libraries are pulling certain unapproved books on faith, fearing that they may fuel recruitment for militant religious groups. What do you think?
  • "I guess I'm not that worried about religious fundamentalists in our jails because they're in our jails."

    Kevin Barker Small Appliance Repairman
  • "That makes sense. Those big religious books are often hollowed out by prisoners to conceal smaller banned books."

    Tom Connelly Fundraiser
  • "Now I'll have to wait eight to 10 years to find out what happened to Jesus."

    Taffy Reiflin Convict
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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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