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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Pro-Assad Group Hacks Obama’s Twitter Account

The Syrian Electronic Army, a group that supports the regime of Syrian President Bashar al-Assad, hacked links on President Barack Obama’s official Twitter and Facebook accounts, redirecting users to a propaganda video about terrorism in Syria. What do you think?

  • “Too late. I already visited those redirected links and was totally convinced by that incredible propaganda video.”

    Corey Murray Pipe Caulker
  • “That’s why I don’t waste my time with all that social media nonsense. Some electronic army’s just going to take it over anyway.”

    Pilar Villanueva Bank Treasurer
  • “I knew this day was coming. The Cyber War has begun!”

    Ryan Speakman Lily Grower

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