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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Professional Porn Sales Down

Sales and rentals of adult DVDs are down 30 percent due to the rise in homemade Internet porn. What do you think?
  • "These thrifty Internet porn enthusiasts are missing out on the lifelong friends you make at adult shops."

    Robin Petersen Database Adminsitrator
  • "That's the problem with the porn biz. No matter how low your price is for having an entire billiard-ball set shoved up your ass, there's always some punk waiting in the wings willing to do it for free."

    Simon Stephens Florist
  • "Yeah, that's my fault. Sorry."

    Elizabeth Whaley Labor Mediator

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