Professional Porn Sales Down

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‘SportsCenter’ Co-Anchors Clearly Dating

BRISTOL, CT—Saying that the pair could barely take their eyes off one another throughout the hour-long sports news program, ESPN viewers told reporters Friday that it is increasingly clear SportsCenter anchors John Anderson and Matt Barrie are currently dating.

Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Professional Porn Sales Down

Sales and rentals of adult DVDs are down 30 percent due to the rise in homemade Internet porn. What do you think?
  • "These thrifty Internet porn enthusiasts are missing out on the lifelong friends you make at adult shops."

    Robin Petersen
    Database Adminsitrator
  • "That's the problem with the porn biz. No matter how low your price is for having an entire billiard-ball set shoved up your ass, there's always some punk waiting in the wings willing to do it for free."

    Simon Stephens
    Florist
  • "Yeah, that's my fault. Sorry."

    Elizabeth Whaley
    Labor Mediator
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