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The Arguments For And Against Bernie Sanders Staying In The Race

Bernie Sanders is ramping up his efforts in the presidential race despite long odds, while sharpening his criticisms of a Democratic Party increasingly focused on the general election with Hillary Clinton as their presumptive nominee. Here are the arguments for and against Sanders staying in the race

Donald Trump’s Campaign: Myth Vs. Fact

Donald Trump’s political positions, personal history, and potential governing style have been the subject of much debate throughout the 2016 election. The Onion separates myth from fact in this breakdown of Trump’s campaign:

Report: Well, Here We Go

WASHINGTON—With Donald Trump’s two remaining GOP rivals suspending their candidacies and clearing a path for the billionaire businessman to assume the Republican presidential nomination, reports indicated Wednesday that, well, hoo boy, here we go.

Ted Cruz Dressed For Campaign Rally By Swarm Of Loyal Vermin

INDIANAPOLIS—In what has reportedly become a daily routine on the campaign trail, Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz stood alone in the center of his hotel suite Tuesday morning where he was carefully dressed and groomed by a swarm of loyal vermin.

How The GOP Plans To Stop Trump

In response to Donald Trump’s growing presidential primary lead, here’s how Republican Party leaders are ramping up efforts to prevent him from getting enough delegates to win the nomination outright.

It Unclear Why Thousands Of Loud, Chanting Trump Supporters Gathering Outside Arena In Iowa

‘There’s No Event Here, But They Keep Coming,’ Say Concerned Stadium Staff

DES MOINES, IA—Noting that the Republican presidential candidate had not announced any plans to visit Iowa since the state held its caucus 11 weeks ago, baffled sources reported Wednesday that it remains unclear why thousands of loud, cheering Donald Trump supporters are gathering outside the Wells Fargo Arena in Des Moines.

Obama Caught Trying To Jump White House Fence

WASHINGTON—The White House was briefly placed on lockdown Friday morning after “an addled and emotionally distraught” President Obama was reportedly caught trying to scale the North Lawn fence, the third such attempt this year, Secret Service officials confirmed.
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Protecting Chelsea's Privacy

A recent People cover story about Chelsea Clinton prompted an angry response from President Clinton and the First Lady, who have shielded their daughter from media scrutiny throughout their time in Washington. What do you think about the First Daughter's right to privacy?
  • "I applaud President Clinton for taking a bold stand against actions that, while not technically illegal, leave a certain bad taste in the mouths of many people."

    James Hoge Civil Engineer
  • "Hey, I don't hear Julia Roberts' parents bitching."

    Joan Foster Speech Therapist
  • "Which one is Chelsea, again—the cat or the chocolate lab?"

    Duane Abercrombie Mechanic
  • "Chelsea should not be on the cover of People unless we find out she had some hot lesbian affair a la Amy Carter."

    Leonard Morris Systems Analyst
  • "I can't believe People just came right out and revealed that Chelsea is coping well with her father's troubles."

    Michael Worley Telemarketer
  • "As a Stanford undergrad, I feel all this attention on Chelsea is wrong. The media should be focusing on my ex-roommate Jill Dwyer, a scheming bitch who stole my boyfriend and still owes me $30 for the electric bill."

    Tracey Pollard Student

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