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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Trump Plans To ‘Drain The Swamp’

One of Donald Trump’s central presidential campaign promises was to “drain the swamp” by ridding Washington politics of corruption and corporate influence. Here’s how he plans to do it.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Protecting The Police

In the wake of an ever-growing number of shootings of police officers, including last week's L.A. bank-robbery shootout, debate is raging over how to better protect our nation's law enforcement officials. What do you think?
  • "I feel bad for the cops. From now on, I'm going to let them beat me a little harder."

    Jerry Osgood Building Contractor
  • "In preparation for an armed assault by a police officer, I reinforced my ass with a baking sheet."

    Warren Browder Science Teacher
  • "We need to protect our nation's law enforcement officials at any cost. Except those fucking meter maids—let the bitches fry."

    Hugh Kulwicki Chef
  • "Any police officer who's in trouble should just call 911."

    Dana Bern Orthodontist
  • "I think our police officers would be safer if they didn't wander around such bad neighborhoods at all hours of the night."

    Linda Lewis Systems Analyst
  • "The only way policemen can be saved is if they accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior."

    Bill Reuschel Computer Programmer

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