adBlockCheck

Recent News

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
End Of Section
  • More News

Providence, RI Named Most Godless City In U.S.

A new study by the American Bible Society found that Providence, RI is the least “Bible-minded” place in the nation, whereas Chattanooga, TN was declared the most “Bible-minded,” based on the number of residents who say they read the Bible and believe in its accuracy. What do you think?

  • “What the fuck do I have to do to please the American Bible Society?”

    Fisher Hertel Shipping Consultant
  • “I wish someone would tell me where the most hot-dog-minded place in the nation is. I’d move there.”

    Buck Sbragia Brewery Tour Guide
  • “Is that why no one said anything when I sneezed at Johnson & Wales University?”

    Catherine Morrone Bridal Alterations Manager
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close