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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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Providence, RI Named Most Godless City In U.S.

A new study by the American Bible Society found that Providence, RI is the least “Bible-minded” place in the nation, whereas Chattanooga, TN was declared the most “Bible-minded,” based on the number of residents who say they read the Bible and believe in its accuracy. What do you think?

  • “What the fuck do I have to do to please the American Bible Society?”

    Fisher Hertel Shipping Consultant
  • “I wish someone would tell me where the most hot-dog-minded place in the nation is. I’d move there.”

    Buck Sbragia Brewery Tour Guide
  • “Is that why no one said anything when I sneezed at Johnson & Wales University?”

    Catherine Morrone Bridal Alterations Manager

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