adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
End Of Section
  • More News

Psychopaths Behave Like Stroke Victims

A University of Wisconsin study found that when prisoners exhibiting psychopathic tendencies played decision-making games, they used the same strategies as people who had suffered strokes or brain tumors. What do you think?

  • "I've seen enough Law & Order and House to tell you my personal bullshit theory on this."

    Jenny Blumberg Systems Analyst
  • "To get a conclusive result you're going to have to test the brains of psychopaths and stroke victims when they're cutting people up."

    Will Lind Cost Clerk
  • "Stroke victims always try to get the railroads and utilities first, though. Those are the safest bets."

    Kevin Feltes Doffer

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close