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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Public Funding For Stadiums

Taxpayers and politicians in a number of U.S. cities are deeply divided over proposed multi-million-dollar, taxpayer-funded sports stadiums. What do you think?
  • "If we don't build stadiums, then the roads won't be clogged with cars and the bars won't be filled with drunk sports fans. Then where would we be?"

    Karl Orff Computer Programmer
  • "If they're going to build a stadium for the guys, they had better build something for us women, like a parking lot to wait in."

    Barbara Christiansen Florist
  • "I'm voting for the new stadium in my city. Not because I'm a sports fan, but because I can't get enough of peeing in a trough."

    Matthew Arnett Roofer
  • "I don't even want to know how much of the Gilbert City budget went toward repaving the tennis courts at the park."

    Warren Wyler Loan Officer
  • "I don't know much about stadiums, but I'll tell you what I do think: I know it's highly unorthodox to say this, but I really think the Pack might have what it takes to go all the way this year."

    Russell Innes Systems Analyst
  • "How can a child be expected to learn to read in a city with a 30-year-old stadium?"

    Stacie sanchez Psychologist

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