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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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Pussy Riot Convicted

After making an anti-Putin music video and calling attention to Russia’s crackdown on political dissent, three members of the punk band Pussy Riot have been found guilty of hooliganism and sentenced to two years in prison. What do you think?

  • "How come I haven't heard a word of support out of fellow punk rockers Green Day about this?"

    Marguerite Sherwood Systems Analyst
  • "Hopefully this harsh sentence will serve as a warning to youths who might otherwise have pursued a career in the arts."

    Damien Schaum Bird Trapper
  • "If hooliganism is a crime, then lock me up. Hooliganism is a crime? I retract my statement."

    Neil Pomers Tungsten Refiner

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