adBlockCheck

Recent News

Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
End Of Section
  • More News

Python Hunting Contest Opens In Everglades

In an effort to control the Everglades’ population of invasive Burmese Pythons, which can grow to 20 feet long, Florida officials opened a month-long hunting contest in which professional and amateur snake hunters will compete for cash prizes based on the number of snakes they kill. What do you think?

  • “I hope they don’t kill any of the cute little 10-foot pythons.”

    Georgina Stader Dietitian
  • “What a thrill for amateur snake hunters to be standing shoulder-to-shoulder with the pros of snake hunting!”

    Gil Sabine Rod Bending Machine Operator
  • “I predict this will end badly for someone. Most likely someone who puts a lot of time and effort into this contest and comes up short by a few snakes.”

    Herman Gould Tombstone Setter

More from this section

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close