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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Qaddafi Killed

Former Libyan dictator Muammar Qaddafi has reportedly been killed in or near his hometown of Sirte. What do you think?

  • "It may have taken longer than expected, but the rebels never wavered in their determination to shoot at anything, and it finally paid off."

    Steve Lewis Hardener
  • "Hooray, Tripoli is going to have a parade!"

    Douglas Fairchild De-Alcoholizer
  • "First Steve Jobs, now Muammar Qaddafi? It truly seems all of the great pioneers are dying at the same time."

    Laura Washburn Unemployed

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