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Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Qaddafi Killed

Former Libyan dictator Muammar Qaddafi has reportedly been killed in or near his hometown of Sirte. What do you think?

  • "It may have taken longer than expected, but the rebels never wavered in their determination to shoot at anything, and it finally paid off."

    Steve Lewis Hardener
  • "Hooray, Tripoli is going to have a parade!"

    Douglas Fairchild De-Alcoholizer
  • "First Steve Jobs, now Muammar Qaddafi? It truly seems all of the great pioneers are dying at the same time."

    Laura Washburn Unemployed
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