adBlockCheck

Recent News

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
End Of Section
  • More News

Quaking All Over

In the past five weeks, two massive earthquakes have killed thousands in Turkey and Taiwan. What do you think about this sudden spate of pre-millennial natural disasters?
  • "Surely this is a sign from God. It's His way of telling us that plates far below the Earth's surface are shifting on top of molten magma."

    Diane Dahm Florist
  • "I have no sympathy for these earthquake victims. If they didn't want to take the risk, they shouldn't have been living on the planet's surface."

    Larry Selsberg Systems Analyst
  • "Of course all those cheap buildings fell down. Never trust anything made in Taiwan."

    Steve LaFleur Cable Installer
  • "In 1992, I experienced a panquake while eating at IHOP. Try as you might, you just can't put a traumatic event like that out of your mind."

    Judith Ambrose Teacher
  • "Sorry about that whole earth-moving thing. It's just that my girlfriend and I have such amazing sex."

    Wesley Vebber Bus Driver
  • "I don't mean to sound insensitive, but I have to ask: Was there anyone on the scene with an IMAX camera?"

    Frederick Garden Comptroller

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close