adBlockCheck

Recent News

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.
End Of Section
  • More News

Quitting Smoking Adds Decade To Women's Lives

According to a study of 1.3 million women, those who gave up cigarettes by age 40 lived an average of 10 years longer than lifelong smokers, while those who quit by age 30 had a 97 percent chance of avoiding an early death altogether. What do you think?

  • “Hmm, what’s the takeaway here? Should I stop smoking?”

    Sandra Gagne Lobbyist
  • “Yeah, that’s what my wife claims as her reason for quitting, but I still think it’s just her excuse to chew all the gum she wants.”

    Scott Lindsey Café Manager
  • “But were they able to conclude which brand was smoothest?”

    Antoine Klinman Dog Groomer
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close