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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Radiation Blast May Have Hit Earth In Middle Ages

A new report posits that the collision of two black holes or neutron stars may have produced a gamma ray burst that hit Earth in the 8th century, generating a variety of chemical isotopes that can be found in ancient tree rings and ice cores. What do you think?

  • “‘May have?’ Wow!”

    Silvio Mazzotti Spindle Repairer
  • “I’ve always wondered where all these isotopes came from.”

    Penney Scott Quill Cleaner
  • “Wow, tree rings just keep getting more and more interesting.”

    Don Gallardo Auctioneer

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