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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Reality TV's Integrity Questioned

Critics and viewers are beginning to question the integrity of reality-television shows, saying that some of them may be scripted or fixed. What do you think?
  • "Yes, definitely, at this crucial time in history, television shows are where Americans should demand accountability."

    Elaine Schoor Massage Therapist
  • "Scandals at reality shows? Next you're going to tell me that Michael Ian Black didn't actually love the ‘80s."

    David Hatton Landscaper
  • "You can't tell me that a show as choppy and haphazard as Two And A Half Men is scripted."

    John DeMuth Lawyer

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