adBlockCheck

Record Sales Expected For Cyber Monday

Top Headlines

Entertainment

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Holidays

Television

Record Sales Expected For Cyber Monday

Cyber Monday, the first Monday after the Thanksgiving holiday, is expected to bring in record online sales this year. What do you think?

  • "It better be worth it. I’ve been camped out in front of my laptop for a week."

    Glen Cook Systems Analyst
  • "If you do your holiday shopping from the comfort of your home, you can hit your kid without any sass from other customers."

    Angela Layton Hoist Operator
  • "It's great that holiday shoppers are finally discovering the same ease and convenience of online purchasing we anal-bead aficionados have enjoyed for years."

    Josh Noel Chief Gauger

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close