Record Sales Expected For Cyber Monday

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Vol 47 Issue 48

In Theory

Showtime 10 p.m. EST/9 p.m. CST Adventurous philosophy professor Jane Theory is a sexual dynamo whose intellectual musings during intercourse help her many partners reach epiphanies and orgasms they never dreamed possible.

Cain Drops Out

After a Georgia woman came forward and claimed she had a 13-year affair with Herman Cain, the former Godfather's Pizza CEO announced he would suspend his campaign for the presidency.

Wife Hoarders

A&E 8 p.m. EST/7 p.m. CST It’s nearly impossible to wade through the stacks and stacks of wives from the 1970s that Alan has stored in his living room.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Holiday

Record Sales Expected For Cyber Monday

Cyber Monday, the first Monday after the Thanksgiving holiday, is expected to bring in record online sales this year. What do you think?

  • "It better be worth it. I’ve been camped out in front of my laptop for a week."

    Glen Cook
    Systems Analyst
  • "If you do your holiday shopping from the comfort of your home, you can hit your kid without any sass from other customers."

    Angela Layton
    Hoist Operator
  • "It's great that holiday shoppers are finally discovering the same ease and convenience of online purchasing we anal-bead aficionados have enjoyed for years."

    Josh Noel
    Chief Gauger
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