adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.
End Of Section
  • More News

Red Meat May Spell Early Death

A federal study revealed that middle-aged Americans who ate red meat at least once a day were 30 percent more likely to die during the 10 years researchers followed them. What do you think?
  • "This research may actually push Americans to adopt new habits, such as calling red meat something else."

    Juanita Haller Systems Analyst
  • "Yeah, but what if you eat red meat three or more times a day? Really? Oh boy."

    Peter Rothbart Car Rental Associate
  • "If I lived my life by everything studies told me, I'd have given up drinking used motor oil years ago."

    Brad Glennon Therapist
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close