adBlockCheck

Sports

MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
End Of Section
  • More News

Red Sox Break Curse

Last week, the Boston Red Sox defeated the St. Louis Cardinals in the World Series, breaking a "curse" that has persisted since 1918. What do you think?
  • "So the curse only lasted 86 years, huh? I guess the ol' Bambino wasn't as powerful a necromancer as we thought."

    Allen Palmer Systems Analyst
  • "It's good to know that the World Series isn't just about which team has the highest payroll. The Red Sox are proof that you can spend the second most and still become champions."

    Lacey Swain Chiropractor
  • "This should bring hope to our military, which has not won a decisive victory in almost 60 years."

    Jesse Ramos Repairman
  • "The curse is broken. Alas, my own curse, the one which exists for all women since Eve's fall, persists to this very day."

    Edna Crawford Biochemist
  • "Wow. Does this mean baseball can end now?"

    Tony Mills Construction Worker
  • "I've been rooting for the Sox for the past 20 years, but I finally gave up hope on them this season. I was expecting them to lose, so they managed to let me down again."

    Bryan Warren Civil Engineer

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close