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Politics

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

What You Need To Know About The Dakota Access Pipeline

Construction is currently stalled on the Dakota Access Pipeline, which would connect North Dakota’s Bakken Shale development to oil tank farms in Illinois, by protests led by members of the Standing Rock Sioux tribe. The Onion provides answers to key questions about the project.

What Can Americans Expect Under A Trump Presidency?

With two months until the inauguration of Donald Trump, many Americans are wondering what his term will look like and what his administration might accomplish. The Onion answers some common questions about Trump’s upcoming presidency

James Comey Quickly Reopens Clinton Email Investigation For Few More Minutes

‘Nope, Looks Like It’s All Good Here,’ Says FBI Director

WASHINGTON—In a letter addressed to Congress that was quickly followed by a second message retracting the first, FBI director James Comey is said to have briefly reopened the investigation into Hillary Clinton’s emails for several more minutes Friday.

Pollsters Admit They Underestimated Voters’ Adrenal Glands

WASHINGTON—In response to widespread criticism that they had failed to predict Donald Trump’s victory in the 2016 election, analysts from polling organizations around the nation admitted Thursday they had underestimated the influence of voters’ adrenal glands on the presidential race.
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Reform Party Follies

Among the names being thrown around as potential Reform Party presidential candidates for 2000 are Jesse Ventura, Pat Buchanan, Donald Trump, Cybill Shepherd, Ross Perot and Warren Beatty. What do you think about this wildly diverse assortment of Reform Party presidential hopefuls?
  • "In 2000, I'm voting Reform. They have a united, cohesive platform calling for gun control, abortion rights, increased military spending, right to life, and deficit reduction."

    Maxine Nelson Dietitian
  • "Sure, at this stage in American political history, Cybill Shepherd might seem like a viable presidential candidate. Nevertheless, I'm still voting for Emperor Caligula's horse."

    Steve Doby Civil Engineer
  • "America's two-party political system is a total joke. That's why I've turned to the Reform Party and Patrick Swayze."

    Don Walker Systems Analyst
  • "I dunno who I'm gonna vote for next year. I'm undecided between Pat Buchanan, Jesse Ventura, Goldberg, The Michelin Man, and that actress on that one show about the lady sheriff."

    Jim Ivins Plumber
  • "I was thinking of running as the Reform Party candidate in the 2000 election, but I realized I have to work that weekend."

    Kris Poule Delivery Driver
  • "2000 seems like a good year to just stop doing this whole presidential-election thing."

    Francine Eppard Student

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