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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Regular Coffee Drinkers No More Alert

Researchers at Bristol University in the UK have found that heavy coffee drinkers derive no boost from the beverage, but merely stave off the depressive effects of withdrawal. What do you think?

  • "What is life, then, if it’s not about 'staving off'?"

    Jack Wills Doffer
  • "So what would be the ideal beverage to sip while I pretend I'm thinking?"

    Karen Goldberg Cost Clerk
  • "Are they not adding sugar?"

    Stephen Adler Brake Operator
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