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Rep. Jefferson Under Investigation

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CNN Producer On Hunt For Saddest-Looking Fuck With Convention Button Collection

PHILADELPHIA—Weaving his way through the crowd of patriotically dressed attendees excitedly milling around on the floor of the Democratic National Convention, CNN segment producer Jeff Raskin reportedly went on the hunt Monday for the most pitiful-looking fuck willing to speak on camera about their political button collection.

Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech

CLEVELAND—Pulling his running mate aside backstage at the Republican National Convention just minutes before the Indiana governor was scheduled to formally accept the party’s vice presidential nomination, GOP candidate Donald Trump casually informed Mike Pence that he would probably make one or two quick appearances during the Midwestern conservative’s headlining speech tonight.

‘Heed My Tragic Story Well, Friends, For You Could Just As Easily Be Me,’ Says Chris Christie In Haunting RNC Speech

CLEVELAND—A thrall sweeping over the assembled GOP officials and party members Tuesday as he recounted his chilling tale of hubris, New Jersey governor Chris Christie reportedly entreated those at the Republican National Convention to consider the sad story of his own dizzying rise and ignominious fall, offering a bitter warning to all in attendance that his terrible fate could befall any one of them.
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Rep. Jefferson Under Investigation

The House has ordered a speedy ethics probe into the dealings of Rep. William J. Jefferson (D-LA) that could oust him before he goes to trial on charges of federal corruption. What do you think?
  • "Can he still keep the money?"

    Patty Blonsky Systems Analyst
  • "But they can't expel him now—according to his expense account, he's still airlifting survivors out of New Orleans."

    Brian Skurnick Punch Press Operator
  • "This is good. I was beginning to fear that the new Congress was setting an impossible standard of personal conduct as of late. I'm going to the store and stealing some grapes now."

    Bruce Sporn Chiropodist

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