Report: Anthrax Attacks Could Have Been Prevented

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Vol 47 Issue 12

The TuckScreen: Historical Documents Show Dream's Decline

People began to give up on the American Dream almost from the time it was created. Below, a letter from a riverboat porter written in 1901 shows some of the earliest written documentation of an American saying, "Fuck it, what's the point?" The ...

Message From The Mayor

A special message from Mayor Sue Hallinan: "Just wanted to let folks know that there's going to be a whole bunch of commotion down at Tuffy's this evening as several members of the national press will be in town. In case you haven't heard, our boy T...
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Fantasy Sports

FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States

ZURICH—After the Justice Department indicted numerous executives from world soccer’s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer’s 2015 World Cup.

Family

Report: Dad Wants To Show You Where Fuse Box Is

YOUR LOCATION—Noting that it’s important to be prepared in case of emergencies but it’s also a good thing to know in general, your dad announced today that he wants to show you where the fuse box is.

Report: Anthrax Attacks Could Have Been Prevented

According to psychiatric records, the scientist believed to have been responsible for five anthrax-by-mail deaths in 2001 had numerous psychological issues, including an obsession with a sorority. What do you think?

  • "Darn, I was wrong. I thought for sure that it was done by a completely normal father of two in a stable, loving marriage."

    Dani Ridgeway
    Systems Analyst
  • "Was the FBI working on this case for exactly one second per week?"

    Rick Alvin
    Operating Engineer
  • "Jeez, they should've just let him in the sorority."

    Len Bateman
    Unemployed
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