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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Report: Astronauts Flew Drunk

An internal review at NASA revealed that some of their astronauts may have been drunk when they boarded shuttle missions into space. What do you think?
  • "This isn't a big deal. Astronauts are the best of the best. A drunk astronaut is as good as a sober commercial airline pilot."

    Al Payton Well Excavator
  • "Um, when are NASA astronauts not drunk? They're being shot into outer fucking space!"

    Doris Snyder Tobacconist
  • "I'm just glad I'm not an astronaut and that I can get a decent buzz on at work without everyone freaking out."

    Lee Davis Beekeeper
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