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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Report: Astronauts Flew Drunk

An internal review at NASA revealed that some of their astronauts may have been drunk when they boarded shuttle missions into space. What do you think?
  • "This isn't a big deal. Astronauts are the best of the best. A drunk astronaut is as good as a sober commercial airline pilot."

    Al Payton Well Excavator
  • "Um, when are NASA astronauts not drunk? They're being shot into outer fucking space!"

    Doris Snyder Tobacconist
  • "I'm just glad I'm not an astronaut and that I can get a decent buzz on at work without everyone freaking out."

    Lee Davis Beekeeper

More from this section

Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

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