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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Report: Chances Of IRS Tax Audit Lowest Since The 1980s

According to a new report, budget cuts and overextended resources have significantly hampered the Internal Revenue Service’s ability to audit tax returns this year, giving Americans the lowest odds of getting audited since the 1980s. What do you think?

  • “I own a major oil corporation, so this changes nothing for me.”

    Hunter Salvo Chief Executive Officer
  • “Man, this ‘deterioration of America’ thing is really working out in my favor!”

    Susan Henriksen Community Theater Director
  • “I would tell the IRS that if they want to save money, just don’t report everything you take in. That’s what I do.”

    Bradford Smith Building Owner
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