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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Report: Chris Christie Spent $300K From Expense Account On Food, Drinks

According to a report from, New Jersey governor Chris Christie spent more than $300,000 from his state expense account during his five years in office on food, alcohol, and desserts. What do you think?

  • “Look, if you want important people to come to New Jersey, you’re going to need to wine and dine them.”

    Lori Barga Folding Chair Stacker
  • “Impressive, but I’m still not sure he’s ready to misallocate funds at the presidential level.”

    Sean Lymon District Supervisor
  • “You can’t expect him to eat thousands of dollars’ worth of food without some drinks to wash it down.”

    Adam Kile Unemployed

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