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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Report: Government's Katrina Response Was Flawed

A House report on the response to Hurricane Katrina faults every level of government for the disaster that eventually occurred. What do you think?
  • "I thought the Department of Fuck-Ups handled the situation superbly."

    Scott Ceresia Massage Therapist
  • "Can we finally drop this? Politically appointed hacks have feelings too, you know?"

    Johnny McNee Carpenter
  • "I really hope county clerks feel the sting of their actions."

    Stephanie Dolan Manicurist
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