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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Report: Government's Katrina Response Was Flawed

A House report on the response to Hurricane Katrina faults every level of government for the disaster that eventually occurred. What do you think?
  • "I thought the Department of Fuck-Ups handled the situation superbly."

    Scott Ceresia Massage Therapist
  • "Can we finally drop this? Politically appointed hacks have feelings too, you know?"

    Johnny McNee Carpenter
  • "I really hope county clerks feel the sting of their actions."

    Stephanie Dolan Manicurist

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