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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Report: Government's Katrina Response Was Flawed

A House report on the response to Hurricane Katrina faults every level of government for the disaster that eventually occurred. What do you think?
  • "I thought the Department of Fuck-Ups handled the situation superbly."

    Scott Ceresia Massage Therapist
  • "Can we finally drop this? Politically appointed hacks have feelings too, you know?"

    Johnny McNee Carpenter
  • "I really hope county clerks feel the sting of their actions."

    Stephanie Dolan Manicurist

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God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.

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