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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Report: Moderate Drinking May Not Affect Fetus

A Danish study suggests that drinking low to moderate amounts of alcohol in the early months of pregnancy may not be harmful to the baby. What do you think?

  • "That's good news for my pregnant lady wine-tasting business plan."

    Ed Guterman Entrepreneur
  • "Is nothing my mom's fault?"

    Jason DiCenzo Nozzle Worker
  • "That’s great to know, but let’s say I wanted to do some damage?"

    Nicole Ganz Unemployed

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