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Google Unveils New Larry Page–Driven Car

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Touting the project as its most advanced foray yet into the realm of personal transportation, Google unveiled its new Larry Page–driven car at a press event Wednesday.

Trump Outlines Bold Vision For Nation’s Next Mass Protests

WASHINGTON—Stirring the emotions of citizens across the nation with his strong and affecting rhetoric, President Donald Trump outlined a bold vision for the country’s next mass protests during his address to a joint session of Congress Tuesday night.

What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

God Sick Of New Angel’s Annoying Fucking Voice

THE HEAVENS—Calling the sound a “cross between a train whistle and a dying goat,” God, Our Lord And Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was already sick of a new angel’s “incredibly fucking annoying voice.
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Report: More Couples Getting Social Media Prenups

According to a report by ABC News, more couples are opting to include social media clauses in their prenuptial agreements dictating what their spouses can and can’t post online, with some couples including fines as steep as $50,000 for posting an unflattering picture of their partner. What do you think?

  • “You can’t get any more legally precise than evaluating which pictures are good.”

    Ben McNairy Cable Line Installer
  • “It’s a great idea if you’re planning on marrying someone you sort of know but don’t have a good feeling about.”

    Neil Dunne Land Management Forester
  • “But we’re still allowed to embarrass ourselves on social media, right?”

    Missi Holbrook Kitchen Designer
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