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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Report: More Parents Hiring Drug-Sniffing Dogs To Find Kids’ Pot

According to a report by NPR, a growing number of parents are hiring drug-sniffing dogs to search their teens’ bedrooms and find out if they are using illegal substances, leading to a rise in private businesses that train and rent out detection dogs. What do you think?

  • “I’d hire a dog to do all my parenting if I could.”

    Cooper Friedman Teleprompter Scripter
  • “Whatever happened to tricking your kid into letting you into her confidence by telling her some stories about how crazy the ’70s were, waiting for her to lower her guard, and then bringing the hammer down?”

    Mary-Ann Keller Pasta Maker
  • “I just wish there was an easier way to tell my children I love them.”

    Kurt Malone Software Upgrader

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