Report: More Parents Hiring Drug-Sniffing Dogs To Find Kids’ Pot

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How To Talk To Your Child About Sex

It’s not easy to decide when and how to have a discussion with children about sex, and many parents wonder how explicit they should be or where to establish boundaries. Here are The Onion’s tips for having “the talk” with your kids:

How To Reform The Nation’s Prison System

With pressing issues such as overcrowding, overuse of solitary confinement, and the long-term incarceration of nonviolent offenders, many critics of the nation’s prison system are calling for sweeping reforms. Here are some of the proposals to improve the prison system:

Sight Of 400 War Elephants On Horizon Marks Hillary Clinton’s Arrival In Swing State

WHEELING, OH—Feeling the earth shake beneath them as they watched the procession climb over the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains toward their village, sources along the Ohio border confirmed Thursday that the sight of 400 war elephants marching on the horizon marked Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton’s arrival to the critical swing state.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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This Great Song, Bar Sources Report

TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.


  • How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

    The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

Report: More Parents Hiring Drug-Sniffing Dogs To Find Kids’ Pot

According to a report by NPR, a growing number of parents are hiring drug-sniffing dogs to search their teens’ bedrooms and find out if they are using illegal substances, leading to a rise in private businesses that train and rent out detection dogs. What do you think?

  • “I’d hire a dog to do all my parenting if I could.”

    Cooper Friedman
    Teleprompter Scripter
  • “Whatever happened to tricking your kid into letting you into her confidence by telling her some stories about how crazy the ’70s were, waiting for her to lower her guard, and then bringing the hammer down?”

    Mary-Ann Keller
    Pasta Maker
  • “I just wish there was an easier way to tell my children I love them.”

    Kurt Malone
    Software Upgrader