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Report: Nuke Watchers Drunk On Job

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Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech

CLEVELAND—Pulling his running mate aside backstage at the Republican National Convention just minutes before the Indiana governor was scheduled to formally accept the party’s vice presidential nomination, GOP candidate Donald Trump casually informed Mike Pence that he would probably make one or two quick appearances during the Midwestern conservative’s headlining speech tonight.

‘Heed My Tragic Story Well, Friends, For You Could Just As Easily Be Me,’ Says Chris Christie In Haunting RNC Speech

CLEVELAND—A thrall sweeping over the assembled GOP officials and party members Tuesday as he recounted his chilling tale of hubris, New Jersey governor Chris Christie reportedly entreated those at the Republican National Convention to consider the sad story of his own dizzying rise and ignominious fall, offering a bitter warning to all in attendance that his terrible fate could befall any one of them.
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Report: Nuke Watchers Drunk On Job

A memo from the Department of Energy reported that, between 2007 and 2009, there were 16 incidents of agents transporting nuclear weapons while drunk. What do you think?

  • "That is unacceptable. What, do these people think they're emergency room surgeons or something?"

    Carrie Pfahler Emergency Room Surgeon
  • "What I want to know is, did they have the weapons at the bar with them, and did they take any photos of hot girls licking them?"

    Charles Schwarzenbach Systems Analyst
  • "Do you happen to know if the DOE is currently hiring any more drunks?"

    Warren Bauermeister Unemployed

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