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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Report: 'SkyMall' Magazine May End Print Edition

Reports have surfaced that after losing $3.2 million last year, SkyMall magazine, the in-flight airline catalogue that sells electronics, home decor and novelty items, may stop printing catalogues and go web-only. What do you think?

  • "Call me old-fashioned, but I still like to shop in person at a local store for all my obscene crap."

    Deborah Claspell Community Theater Consultant
  • "Alright, how many ‘Summer Savannah’ Backyard Garden Lion Pedestals do I have to order to turn this thing around?"

    Ross Hammersmith Parking Garage Attendant
  • “That’s okay. I still have dozens of back issues I haven’t gotten through.”

    Jordan Boggs Loitering Ban Enforcer

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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

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