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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Report: 'SkyMall' Magazine May End Print Edition

Reports have surfaced that after losing $3.2 million last year, SkyMall magazine, the in-flight airline catalogue that sells electronics, home decor and novelty items, may stop printing catalogues and go web-only. What do you think?

  • "Call me old-fashioned, but I still like to shop in person at a local store for all my obscene crap."

    Deborah Claspell Community Theater Consultant
  • "Alright, how many ‘Summer Savannah’ Backyard Garden Lion Pedestals do I have to order to turn this thing around?"

    Ross Hammersmith Parking Garage Attendant
  • “That’s okay. I still have dozens of back issues I haven’t gotten through.”

    Jordan Boggs Loitering Ban Enforcer
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