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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Report: Yasser Arafat Poisoned With Polonium

Scientists conducted tests on the body of former Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat and found concentrations of the element polonium-210 that were 18 times the normal level, supporting the theory that he was poisoned, with many pointing their fingers at Israel. What do you think?

  • “Ooh! It’s like a murder mystery that we already know the answer to.”

    Melvin Engelen Unemployed
  • “Using a high-quality poison like that is a sign of respect.”

    Hazel Armstrong Applied Mathematician
  • “Maybe he drank some just to be a tough guy.”

    Stephen Skynner Tea Harvester

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