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Representative Foley Resigns

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Man Doesn't Even Do Good Job At Sleeping

Along with his consistently poor performance at work and his general lack of common, everyday life skills, local man Corey White told reporters Thursday that he can't even do a good job at sleeping.

Michelle Obama: ‘Well, There Are 8 Years Of My Life I’ll Never Get Back’

PHILADELPHIA—Her face fixed in an expression of apathetic detachment as she took the stage Monday night to raucous cheers and applause, First Lady Michelle Obama reportedly began her address to the Democratic National Convention by exhaling audibly and remarking that she would never get the past eight years of her life back.

Revelations From The DNC Email Leak

Last week, WikiLeaks posted 20,000 email exchanges among DNC officials, the content of which led to DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz’s resignation on the eve of the convention. Here are some of the key revelations from the leak

CNN Producer On Hunt For Saddest-Looking Fuck With Convention Button Collection

PHILADELPHIA—Weaving his way through the crowd of patriotically dressed attendees excitedly milling around on the floor of the Democratic National Convention, CNN segment producer Jeff Raskin reportedly went on the hunt Monday for the most pitiful-looking fuck willing to speak on camera about their political button collection.

Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech

CLEVELAND—Pulling his running mate aside backstage at the Republican National Convention just minutes before the Indiana governor was scheduled to formally accept the party’s vice presidential nomination, GOP candidate Donald Trump casually informed Mike Pence that he would probably make one or two quick appearances during the Midwestern conservative’s headlining speech tonight.
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Representative Foley Resigns

Congressman Mark Foley (R–FL) resigned Friday after it was revealed that he exchanged sexually charged Internet chat messages with a teenage boy. What do you think?
  • "Why all the fuss? Mark Foley is nothing but a hopeless romantic with a dream to keep chivalry alive. Congress has lost a great gentleman today."

    Jeremy Shapiro EMT
  • "I can't believe an upstanding citizen like Foley would do such a thing. He must have thought he was talking to a teenage girl."

    Vicky O'Malley Software Tester
  • "It was a little disconcerting for Foley to issue his resignation via a Fall Out Boy chat room."

    Bobby Fields Lifeguard

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