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Republicans Block Equal Pay Bill

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Republicans Block Equal Pay Bill

A bill that would have made it easier for women to sue for pay inequality was shot down by Senate Republicans. What do you think?

  • “C’mon, everyone knows women don’t like nice paychecks. They’re only interested in salaries that are hard to get.”

    Julie Speer Systems Analyst
  • “Men have the extra strength and lighter family responsibilities that make them more effective at tasks, such as typing up press releases.”

    Al Clark Refrigerator Glazier
  • “I think men should be compensated more for having a penis. We have to lug these things around all day, for God’s sake. Do you know how embarrassing that is?”

    Ray Flora Hydraulic Press Operator

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