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Republicans Block Equal Pay Bill

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Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public

SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

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Report: Nobody Fucking Cares

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Mom Sleeps In Past Sunrise

WOBURN, MA―Noting that she had somehow managed to sleep through both the dawn chorus of birds and her neighborhood’s early morning garbage pickup, 53-year-old local mother Laura Maloney confirmed that she did not awaken Monday until after the sun had risen.
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Republicans Block Equal Pay Bill

A bill that would have made it easier for women to sue for pay inequality was shot down by Senate Republicans. What do you think?

  • “C’mon, everyone knows women don’t like nice paychecks. They’re only interested in salaries that are hard to get.”

    Julie Speer Systems Analyst
  • “Men have the extra strength and lighter family responsibilities that make them more effective at tasks, such as typing up press releases.”

    Al Clark Refrigerator Glazier
  • “I think men should be compensated more for having a penis. We have to lug these things around all day, for God’s sake. Do you know how embarrassing that is?”

    Ray Flora Hydraulic Press Operator

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