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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Republicans Take The Senate

In last Tuesday's midterm elections, Republicans retook the U.S. Senate, giving them control of both houses of Congress. What do you think?
  • "You know, they say people get the government they deserve, but I don't recall knife-raping any retarded nuns."

    Jared Andruss Shipping Clerk
  • "Don't blame me, I voted for the Green Party. Hee hee hee! Aren't I the dickens?"

    Melissa Kendall Student
  • "On the bright side, the Democrats did triumphantly retake the Kansas governorship."

    Thom Abboud Cashier
  • "I'm confused. It was my understanding that the Democrats had already rolled over and died after Sept. 11."

    Elaine Dorner Speech Pathologist
  • "The American people have spoken. And they have said, 'Duhhh, I likes chockomut ice cream.'"

    Rodney Garn Systems <br>Analyst
  • "Gosh, that election really sucked. Well, at least it'll probably be the last one we ever have."

    Raymond&nbsp;Thatcher Architect

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